With love Anna....

1

I'm Anna, a 30-year-old self-made entrepreneur. And basically  I am an engineer.Before I share my love story, I'd like to give you a glimpse into my life before I fell for my man.I'm somewhat of an ambivert. I can talk nonstop when I'm with people I'm comfortable with, but I tend to keep a low profile when I'm around those who don't match my vibe.In school, I was the kid with that so called "padippi" image, but deep down, I wasn't all that innocent.

I had many crushes back then, but I never confessed to any of them. I was someone's crush too, but I never really considered it because none of them confessed directly to me. I was ready to say yes to them if  they had the courage to say 'I love you' to my face. But unfortunately, I always found out through their friends, who passed the message around like a messenger swan.

I was more in to studies rather than focusing on extracurricular activities. Back then I was good at singing but felt it a waste of time beacuse I may lose an hour to study. Now I know you got an idea about my kind of attitude.

That is me in a gist. But deep inside I  had this strong feeling of attraction to boys who make some effort to impress me. My crush for the longest period was that  boy. My love was one-sided  from 4th standard till 7th standard. But somehow I lost the interest gradually by the end of 7th. In the 8th standard as every studious student, I was also focusing on studies. And I always liked to be a leader beacuse in my point of view a leader can be bossy. I think you got me😂. But that was a fine rainy day of June. As usual I'm holding my bossy attitude, and it already passed 2 weeks or so, and I saw someone entering my class. He is tall, I would say the tallest of the classmates I have ever had before. We made an eye contact. That's it. 

Following him entered the teacher in charge of our class and she introduced him as the new jojnee also a transferee from another school. His name is Sam. At that time I don't like someone who is new from other school to outshine us. Here us means the students other than such transferee. So I was very very cautious about keeping the first rank safe in my hands. 

One most engaging and interesting class in 8th was the language period class. Sam and I were in the same class since we opted malayalam as second language. Since majority were Sanskrit in our class the malayalam class contained only 20 students with almost equal count of boys and girls. The malayalam teacher always had the hour before our class in the 2nd floor in main building and our class was the farthest from the main building. So it takes 10 minutes atleast for the teacher to reach our class.

Till she enters it's my duty  to keep the students calm and 🤫.  And of course I'm bossy here. I will write the names of those who speak on the board. And in between the time the teacher arrives, I will organize games between those whose names are out on the board. The games are weird since I'm wholly weird 😐.  It's arm wrestling and the one who win get their names wiped from the board. The game may change according to my mood. It was during these classes that Sam and I got more chance to speak. We both were enthusiastic in doing math. Once we both scored 80 out of 80 in maths and got a gift from the teacher  I was excited because we have something in common that no other have. Then again my focus was on finding those similarities what we call porutham. It can be very weird beacuse I tried to find similarity in the worstest  differences. 

I can add one more porutham from an incident. There was a tradition in our class that our teacher in charge of the class will visit the homes of each student to understand the situation of each student.  While visiting, our teacher made it in two days and she said in the class that, she visited my home and Sam's home around noon and she had to have lunch with our family the two days. And she thanked both of us too. Then I again counted, yes porutham. 😂

See I  am insane in my own world I have many weird collections. I found collection of marriage invitation cards and seeds of different plants and tress as interesting. 🙂 This was in 8th standard when I had this huge crush on this 6 feet boy. Every time if I get a chance, I will try to know more about him. I think it's the trait each one side lover will have. Crushing over the person without giving a single hint about it. Admiring secretly in every single chance you get. Do you even believe that I fell for the boy on an independence day speech competition. While we were standing in the queue waiting for our chance. He was right infront of me in the queue. And all I did was ask him whether he is prepared well to get the  prize. And what he did was making an expression 😂.  An expression which conveys, confusion as if why this girl is asking me this now. Then a cheerful smile as if it is just a piece of cake for him. Then that moment.... I don't know ..... but I fell head over heels for him. 

Later we talked, I even asked some friends to know more about him. I even tried to know his house. In one malayalam class, I was the leader. Yes I know  it is obvious. And during that time I told him the way to my home and also drew a sketch for him to understand. I don't know why but I did it. Later when we leveled up to 9th grade, the conversations gradually decreased. I don't know why. But we talk not too much. And in 10th standard I don't know  I completely changed. I somewhat became an introvert. Doing my own business, focusing only on studies, not making much conversations. 

At that time I was suffering from some health problems that no one knew in the class. During the arts day while everyone is enjoying in the school I was in the hospital for 2 days beacuse of a kidney stone and the severe pain caused by it. And also many other things causing fatigue also. And this made me think that I am good for nothing except studying. And I was not ready to make my parents pay for my education. I think that was the motive that drove me to score good marks and join each institute in merit. The thought that no one likes me, I have no good friends, I am useless if I don't study etc haunted me that time. And I kept a distance with everyone around me. 

This made Sam to talk less since I seldom talk. Any way during those days everyone was in the momentum to prepare for the exams. But then I came to know that Sam proposed one of my classmates who was sitting just next to me. I was shocked. All of a sudden I was heart broken. I know I have never confessed. Only if I confessed that he can know how I feel. So I don't have any right to be sad that he liked the other girl. That incident made me really sad. I thought about one day, when me and my friend were told to cross check the identification marks to be printed in the secondary school leaving certificate. And we were checking that with those slips given by teacher and the excel provided. And then I came to notice one thing that Sam and I shared one similar identification mark. I was super excited 😄 to quote porutham there, but no use,  he is not mine now.

 And this impacted me in many ways. I lost interest in interaction with the class. I even hated farewell, writing autographs, going for school trip etc.  And after some time I came to know that she was cheating on Sam while she was dating someone at the same time. Then I felt bad for Sam. Beacuse I think he was genuine and was betrayed. But the  wound that was made in my heart was deep. 

I tried so many things to forget him. When ever I feel such pain I will write" I hate you Sam " on the same writing over and over again as if it will look like scribbling something rubbish. And also this led me  and I made up my mind to study in a girls only school for higher secondary education. Even though I don't like such school I was determined that I won't love any one and never make me sad for such a reason. And then we met only in the annual day of our school to receive prizes and I never had a chance to meet him later. And the first year of higher secondary school was about to end and it was then I accidentally met him.